Goodbye, my Once Friend
by skichik
Summary: to Lilly Evans the ultimate betrayal is abandonment
1. Sorry that just isnt enough

Disclaimer: I'm not JKR therefore I don't own any of the HP characters or related items, but I figure you know I'm not JKR coz if I was I wouldn't be posting fanfics would I now. Also I used some lyrics in the letter from Kat to Lilly & surprise surprise I don't own them either, I'm not sure who owns them but they are the words to the M*A*S*H theme song so whoever owns it I'm not them.  
  
Goodbye, my once friend.  
  
By skichik.  
  
Chapter 1- Sorry that's just not enough.  
  
"What do you mean there's nothing to stay for?" screamed Lilly; tears streaming freely down her face, as she faced her best friend.  
  
"I have nothing, & staying seems useless - I mean what good can I do, I'm nothing, sometimes I wonder if people even see me" Katrina replied, also crying.  
  
"You have me"  
  
"Sorry, Lilz, but that's just not enough" said Katrina, as she turned, then hesitantly she took one single step & vanished into the darkness.  
  
Lilly's scream could have easily woke the entire castle, & it seemed that certain people were unhappy by this awakening, as she was soon joined by Professor McGonagall in her dressing gown.  
  
"What is the meaning of this, Miss Evans?" she demanded sharply.  
  
Lilly turned to face her & even in the dark her distress was plain, in fact she looked so distressed that McGonagall's face softened a little & she looked genuinely concerned.  
  
"What's wrong?"  
  
"Kat's gone," Lilly replied dumbly.  
  
McGonagall looked confused,  
  
"What do you mean she's gone?"  
  
All Lilly could do was point to the edge, the place where she had last seen her best friend. McGonagall walked to the edge of the roof & looked down, she gulped, then turned & took a couple of steps away from the edge.  
  
"Perhaps we should continue this in my office"  
  
Lilly said nothing; she just followed the professor down the stairs & away from the astronomy tower, towards McGonagall's office. Lilly was numb to her surroundings, her best friend had given up on life & she hadn't noticed until it was too late. She tried to work out what had caused her once happy friend to give in & no matter how hard she thought she came up with only one answer; James Potter, he had tormented Lilly & Kat ever since their first day at Hogwarts.  
  
For the first time since leaving the roof of the astronomy tower Lilly took some notice of her surroundings, she was in McGonagall's office, a small comfortable room with two armchairs & a large desk covered withy various essays & students work - everything you would expect to find on a transfiguration teacher's desk.  
  
"Miss Evans, could you please explain what happened on the astronomy tower tonight, & where is Miss Jones?"  
  
Lilly swallowed & mentally shook herself, before looking up & meeting McGonagall's steady gaze. 'How can she be so calm, my best friend just threw herself off the astronomy tower & she expects me to answer questions - like Kat's death was nothing' Lilly thought, but McGonagall was a professor & Lilly felt that she deserved to have her questions answered. So Lilly explained what had happened & as she finished the story she looked into McGonagall's face & was shocked by the extent of her emotions that were suddenly visible on the teachers usually emotionless face.  
  
"Thank-you for your recount of tonight's. tragic events" said McGonagall, handing Lilly a handkerchief - it was only then she realized that she was crying silently.  
  
Lilly remained silent as professor McGonagall escorted her back to the Gryffindor common room, due to the late hour there was no one in the common room & Lilly was able to silently climb up the stairs to her dormitory without having to speak to anyone. When she reached her large four-poster bed she climbed into it & although she was tired she was unable to sleep.  
  
After an hour or so Lilly gave up on sleep & she climbed out of bed, without knowing where she was going she started to walk she walked to the window & sat on the deep windowsill, she stared out over the peaceful grounds & she realized just how much she was going to miss Katrina, whenever Lilly had awoken in the night & sat on the sill Kat had always gotten up & kept her company. Without thinking Lilly jumped up off the sill & walked over to Kat's bed, where placed upon the pillow was a piece of parchment folded in half & addressed to Lilly. Lilly picked up the note & began to read,  
  
Through the early morning fog I see, Visions of the things to be The pains that are withheld for me I realize & I can see, That suicide is painless It brings on many changes & I can take or leave it if I please.  
  
To Lilly,  
I am not strong, I cant take it any more, but please, don't cry for me as I am not worth your tears, I am nothing & I see now that so many people - who you said were wrong - were right, I'm fat, ugly & worst of all I'm a useless mudblood. You however are not & you deserve better than me, but as you are a truly loyal friend I know that you would never dessert me & so I must leave you forever. Goodbye, Love Always, your best friend. Katrina Claire Louise Jones.  
  
Lilly stared at the letter for hours until she could no longer hold her eyes open & she finally crawled into bed & a restless sleep embraced her.  
  
~*~*  
  
Authors note: so there's chapter 1, I hope u all liked it there are more chapters coming plz R&R or u don't get any more chapters :p L8r Sikchik 


	2. I'm Sorry

Chapter 2 - I'm Sorry  
  
"Lilly, get up or you'll be late to class!" yelled Belinda - one of the other 6th year girls in Lilly's dorm.  
  
"I'm not going to class today!" grumbled Lilly from under her blankets.  
  
"Aren't you feeling well - should we take you to the hospital wing?" asked Belinda.  
  
"No, I'm not sick, but I'm not going to class."  
  
"I'll get McGonagall - there's something wrong here - I won't be long." Called Christobell from somewhere near the door.  
  
"What's up, Lilly?"  
  
"I don't want to talk about it & McGonagall already knows what it is & I doubt that she'll make me go to class today, so I don't know why you're bothering to ask her."  
  
"Guys, I just saw McGonagall & she said that after last night she doesn't expect Lilly back in class for the rest of the week. But, she does expect you to catch up on any thing that you miss whilst not in class."  
  
"Ok, see I'm not going to class - so you can all just run along & leave me alone - bye."  
  
The other girls left & by first break the whole of Hogwarts knew that some thing big had happened the night before, but so far no one knew what it was - then they realized that two of the 6th year Gryffindor girls were missing - Lilly & Kat had been involved in whatever had happened. By dinner the rumors were so bizarre that it almost looked like Lilly would never again be able to show her face in public, then Dumbledore put it all right by announcing to the entire school that Kat had killed herself. Within the hour all rumors had been abandoned & everyone was shocked that such a happy person had jumped off the astronomy tower & most people felt really sorry for Lilly - after all Kat was her only friend & they were so close.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Lilly spent all day in bed & she wouldn't have left except the other girls came in & they were all chatting & giggling & Lilly couldn't take it & she went down to the common room, which - luckily for her - was almost completely empty & she thought that she'd be able to sit alone & think - undisturbed.  
  
"Evans?" came a voice from across the room.  
  
"What do you want Potter?" replied Lilly rather icily.  
  
"Well I heard about Kat & I just wanted to-"  
  
"-To what rub it in that your insults succeeded in killing my best friend or to rub in the fact that you've managed to destroy two lives with you words?"  
  
"No, actually what I wanted to say was-"  
  
"Save your breath Potter I'm not listening any way - bye"  
  
With that she stormed out of the room & back to her dormitory, where she fell into bed & went straight to sleep. 


	3. Goodbye, my once friend

Chapter 3- Goodbye, My Once Friend  
  
After yelling at James, Lilly retreated to bed, where she fell asleep almost as soon as she touched the pillow. She woke early the next morning to find that she was very hungry - after all she hadn't eaten in well over 24 hours.  
  
So, for the first time since Kat's suicide Lilly ventured out of Gryffindor tower, she made it all the way to the great hall & was able to get as far as the Gryffindor table before anyone spoke to her.  
  
"Are you feeling better today, Lilz?" asked Belinda.  
  
Lilly's reply was lost due to the arrival of the owl post; Lilly loved owls & she always stared in wonder & awe as the post arrived each day. To her great surprise one of the owls landed in front of & presented its leg, Lilly detached the letter & the owl took flight immediately, leaving Lilly alone with the letter. She went back to Gryffindor tower before opening the letter as although she was able to attend breakfast Lilly felt that she was not yet ready to face her classes.  
  
Sitting in one of the large armchairs in the common room Lilly ensured she was comfortable before she opened the letter she expected it to be from her parents with a message like "We heard what happened to your little friend we're so sorry, blah, blah, blah etc" instead the letter said:  
  
Dear Lilly,  
My husband & I are currently arranging Katrina's funeral & as her best friend we were wondering if you would make a speech, as you knew her better than anyone else. Please consider, the service will be held this Saturday & we hope to see you there. Thank you, Megan Jones.  
  
Lilly thought about it for quite some time & at lunchtime she took a return note up to the owlery & sent it to Kat's mum.  
  
~*~*~  
  
On Friday afternoon Lilly made arrangements with Professor McGonagall so that she would be able to attend Kat's funeral, then she returned to the common room to put the finishing touches on her speech.  
  
The next morning Lilly dressed in black, then went to meet Professors McGonagall & Dumbledore who would also be going to the funeral.  
  
When they arrived Lilly was amazed by how many people were there, she stared around wondering where all these people had come from. She spotted Kat's mum & went to let her know she was here & that she had her speech all ready.  
  
Before long the service started & every one gathered near the grave. Lilly didn't take much notice of the ceremony & before she knew it, it was time for her to speak.  
  
"When I was asked to talk to you all today I actually had to think about whether or not I would be ready to face all of you, because since Kat's death one week ago I have been unable to do much at all. On Monday night I went into my dormitory & I found a note on Kat's bed it was addressed to me & I read it - it was her letter of farewell to me & I somehow knew exactly where she was & immediately I went to stop her. I'm sure you'll all be glad to know that I tried my hardest to stop her, but it wasn't good enough & I watched as she stepped off that tower. I'm not telling you this because I want to rub in the fact that a girl you all knew & loved committed suicide, but to make sure that each one of you understands that it was no accident that killed Kat it was her. Kat was my best friend & I will always love her but, the ultimate betrayal is abandonment & I will never forgive her for what she did, & so I bid you goodbye, my once friend." With that Lilly stepped away from the podium & walked away from the funeral to wait for the end so she could leave, she'd said her goodbye, but she was so mad at Kat for leaving her here like this that she wanted to leave as soon as possible.  
  
Dumbledore must have noticed that Lilly was clearly ready to leave, as he walked over to her & pulled a handkerchief from his pocket he tapped it once with his wand & then he handed it to Lilly. She took it & after a few seconds she felt the familiar tug behind her naval & she was lost in a swirl of colours then as suddenly as it all started it stopped & Lilly was standing alone in the entrance hall back at Hogwarts.  
  
"I hate portkeys," grumbled Lilly, as she made her way to Gryffindor tower.  
  
The common room was crowded when Lilly returned & so she went to her dormitory to think in peace. But the other 6th year girls were having a beautification session & Lilly couldn't help but laugh when she saw them all with different coloured face masks on & various styling objects in their hair, so before they could invite her to join in she went to sit under her favourite tree near the lake. 


	4. An Unexpected Shoulder

Chapter 4 - An Unexpected Shoulder  
  
It was an overcast day & the lake reflected the steely gray of not only the sky but Lilly's feelings also. She sat under a large tree looking out at the still waters of the lake; it had always had a calming affect on her. Lilly always chose this spot to think quietly as not many students chose to sit amongst the gnarled roots of an ancient tree, but Lilly loved it. Lilly was lost in her own little world, so lost in fact she never heard the approach of an unwelcome visitor.  
  
James saw that Lilly clearly did not want to be disturbed & so he waited for her to come back to earth, he did not think he would have to wait as long as he did. But he desperately wanted to talk to her so he sat down against the same tree & waited for her to say something.  
  
James had been sitting there for half an hour before Lilly noticed him, but as she didn't want to speak to anyone she ignored him, hoping that he would give up & leave, she was wrong he stayed sitting there & he didn't say a word. Finally Lilly couldn't take it any longer,  
  
"What are you doing here?" she demanded crossly.  
  
"I just wanted to talk," He replied casually.  
  
"Well say whatever it is you wanted to say then leave!"  
  
"I wanted to say I'm sorry - I know that you blame me for Kat's death & I want you to know that I never meant to hurt her - or you - anywhere near as much as I have."  
  
"My god, he actually has a conscience, & I don't blame you for her death I blame her & myself."  
  
"How could you blame yourself you were her best friend & you couldn't cause anyone pain - not even Snivillus."  
  
"But I didn't see she was depressed & I was with her on the astronomy tower last week & I let her jump! How can you say it wasn't my fault?"  
  
"No, it wasn't your fault & you shouldn't hate her because of the way she died - love her because of the way she lived."  
  
"Wow, that's almost intelligent - how'd you come up with it?"  
  
"When someone you love kills themselves you learn not to blame them for it."  
  
"Who'd you know that killed themselves?"  
  
"My big sister, Kristy, slashed her wrists two years ago. At first I blamed her then I realized it was nobody's fault."  
  
"I'm sorry, I didn't know - I guess you think I'm being silly, I mean you've been through this before & I'm carrying on like I'm the only person who's ever lost a loved one to suicide."  
  
"Hey, it's all good, you need to let it all off your chest & you need someone to listen & understand, so if you need to talk about anything I'm here for you, ok?"  
  
"Ok, & thanks James - you know when you talk like this you're almost human, what is this world coming to?" Lilly joked.  
  
"My god - she understands the concept of humor," James cried to the skies - which were now clearing to reveal startling blue & golden sunshine.  
  
"Come on let's go inside, you can even sit with me in the common room - coz I totally understand that your not the type of person that finds discussing magical makeovers fun & if you don't find people to sit with & talk to then you will be claimed by the evil force that is the other 6th year Gryffindor girls."  
  
"Thanks, I'd love to sit with you guys, but only coz the alternative isn't any good."  
  
"What? Not only does she understand the concept of humor - she enjoys it too?"  
  
"Who do you keep yelling to up there? You'd get a much better response from the giant squid, so how 'bout next time you just yell at the lake?"  
  
"I like yelling to the skies - it's more dramatic."  
  
At his last remark Lilly burst out laughing, wondering how she could have ever thought James Potter was anything short of normal.  
  
~*~*~*  
  
"Hey Moony where's Prongs?"  
  
"He said something about talking to Lilly, Padfoot, he'll be back soon."  
  
"Well I hope he gets back soon, coz I wanna tell him 'bout this awesome prank I just thought of."  
  
"He wont be long, in fact I think he's on his way up now."  
  
"How do you know that, Wormtail?"  
  
"He & Lilly have been sitting under a tree for the last hour & they just got up & started walking back towards the castle."  
  
"Fair enough. Hang on - did you just say that he was walking with Lilly? As in Lilly Evans, Lilly?"  
  
"Yes, Padfoot - I knew that you were thick but I never realized that you didn't understand simple English."  
  
Padfoot threw himself at Wormtail & started beating the crap out of him.  
  
"Ok, ok I give up you win - please stop!"  
  
"Ok, Sirius, that's enough stop it, ah, James you're back - would you please stop Sirius, he's starting to scare that group of first years by the window."  
  
"Ok, but you have to detraumitise the firsties -for some strange reason they're all scared of me," replied James, still climbing through the portrait hole, to Lilly he said; "one second, just let me save Peter then you can get to know the guys."  
  
Lilly nodded & watched as James pulled Sirius off Peter & Remus crossed the room & talked to some first years after a few seconds they all nodded & Remus headed beck to where James was saving Peter & calming Sirius. Once Sirius was calmed James walked over to Lilly & much to the marauders surprise she didn't start screaming at him for coming near her, they were even more surprised when he started talking to her & just as amazed when she spoke back - civilly.  
  
"Guys, Lilly is gonna hang 'round with us for a while," seeing the look on Sirius' face he said, "honestly man, she's not as bad as we thought, just give her a chance - please?"  
  
"Alright, but only for you Prongs & she won't attempt to stop us pranking everyone will she?"  
  
"No, you can continue your pranks - just as long as they aren't going to cause serious injury to anyone."  
  
"Will you join in?"  
  
"Maybe on some of the more harmless ones."  
  
They continued talking late into the night & so began Lilly's friendship with the marauders. 


	5. Friendships grow

A/N Sorry that I've taken so long to update but my computer crashed so I've been unable to even access the net, well it's here now, so enjoy.  
  
Chapter 5 – Friendships Grow  
  
The next day although Lily was tired she was happy for the first time all week – but it had seemed so much longer to her as she'd been wallowing in her own misery. She was at breakfast with the marauders when she remembered something she'd been told the day after Kat died – she was expected back in class the next day & she had a weeks worth of work to catch up on.  
  
"Ah- Remus I don't suppose you have notes for this weeks lessons do you coz I need to catch up on what I've missed & you're in most of the classes I'm going to need what I've missed."  
  
"Yes, they're up my dormitory I'll get them for you when we go back up stairs."  
  
"Thank you so much – you're a lifesaver."  
  
"Not a problem, after all what are friends for?"  
  
So after they had finished breakfast they went back to Gryffindor tower, Remus went to get his notes for the week & James, Sirius & Peter sat down to discuss their latest prank idea. When Remus returned Lily took the notes from him & said that she was going to go to the library to study Remus decided to go with her, as he needed to finish of an essay for potions, Lily groaned at the thought & he kindly offered to help her. So Lily & Remus went to the library where they remained until lunch, Lily was amazed at how much work she got through with his help – in fact by the time they headed back to the common room to drop off their stuff she had almost completely caught up on everything for the week.  
  
Lily went to lunch with the marauders, and then the five of them went back to the common room where they talked until dinner, then late into the night – Lily was amazed to find that the marauders were actually almost human.  
  
~*~*~*  
  
The weeks went by & it soon became normal for Lily & the marauders to be seen talking, laughing & having fun. Lilly was having fun & she'd gotten used to not having Kat around & she was back to her happy normal self – then an owl arrived. This owl carried an official letter from the ministry it said: Dear Miss Evans,  
  
We regretfully inform you that followers of the dark Lord Voldemort have murdered your parents. We are sorry for your loss & we wish to inform you that your sister Petunia was not home at the time of the attack & she is alive, she is being placed into foster care.  
  
With our deepest sympathy, Department of Muggle Death by Magic.  
  
Lily read the letter three times to make sure she had it right, then she burst into tears.  
  
"What's wrong, Lilz?"  
  
Lily thrust the letter at him & he read it.  
  
"Oh, Lilz, I'm so sorry." He said putting a comforting arm around her shoulders.  
  
Lily said nothing; she just leaned against James sobbing quietly.  
  
After they had finished their breakfast James & Lily went outside to sit under her favourite tree. Lilly took out some parchment & a quill & she began writing a letter to Petunia, after what seemed like hours Lily finished & she leaned back to read over what she had written.  
  
Dear Petunia,  
I've just received a letter telling me what happened to mum & dad, & I just wanted to know how you were – I was told that you were not home at the time of the attack, are you ok? I know that you will try to blame me, but I assure you that I had nothing to do with it & I ask you please don't blame me for something I never wanted to happen. Please owl me back, Tempete will wait for your reply.  
  
Love always Lily.  
  
Lily turned to James, only now realizing that it was him she was leaning on & not the tree, he had one arm draped around her shoulders, protectively.  
  
"James?"  
  
"Mmm?"  
  
"I need to go to the owlery, do you want to come with?"  
  
"Yeah, ok let's go."  
  
The two of them walked to the owlery, when they got there it was empty & Lily called Tempete down to her. Tempete was a tawny frogmouth owl, small & grayish in colour. The owl held out her leg obediently & waited patiently as Lily attached the letter.  
  
"You need to take this to Petunia, but she won't be at home so I'm not sure where you'll find her, but please you must get this letter to her."  
  
The owl clicked her beak as if in reply & Lily gave her an affectionate rub on the head before walking over to one of the huge windows & releasing her owl.  
  
"Please come back soon."  
  
She said to the fast disappearing owl. She turned back to James & the two of them left the owlery & began wandering aimlessly around the castle they walked past Gryffindor tower & past the library & they headed down to the entrance hall, where they were greeted by the rich aroma of lunch.  
  
"Do you want to grab some thing to eat, Lilz, coz you didn't eat much at breakfast?"  
  
"Ok, but I'm not sure that I want to face all those people."  
  
"Lilz, lunch is almost over there's like no one in there – but there are other places to go for food & we could sit back outside & eat under the tree, if you'd prefer."  
  
"Where else can we go for food?"  
  
"That, my dear, is a secret, make your choice – the great hall or a picnic on the grounds?"  
  
"I think I'll go for the picnic outside – it is after all a lovely day."  
  
"Then it is off to the kitchens we go – don't look so shocked the house elves are more than happy to give us more food than either of us will be able to eat & it's not technically against the rules, trust me I've spent 6 years bending the school rules to breaking point & snapping most of them in half."  
  
"Well if you're sure."  
  
"Yes, I'm sure now lets go."  
  
James lead Lily down to the kitchens, where she saw more house elves than she could count, all of them almost bursting at the chance to serve them, although Lily still wasn't sure about being there she had to admit the house elves really didn't mind & just as James said they were more than happy to give them more than either of them would be able to eat.  
  
After about fifteen minutes James & Lily left the kitchens with a large basket full of food & the two of them headed outside to the tree that they'd sat under earlier.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Sirius, Remus & Peter sat in the common room after lunch chatting quietly, as the rest of the common room basked in their unnatural quiet, hoping that it might last long enough for them to do their homework.  
  
"What do you think is wrong with Lilz?" asked Sirius.  
  
"Well it must be pretty bad, coz she was really upset," commented Remus.  
  
"We could always read the letter that obviously caused it all," said Peter.  
  
"Peter, that would almost be a good idea if there wasn't one tiny problem – we don't have the letter!" exclaimed Sirius.  
  
"You might not have the letter, but I do," he replied casually, fishing a piece of parchment from his pocket & handing it to Sirius.  
  
Sirius growled under his breath, as he took the letter from Peter. He read it aloud so that only they could hear.  
  
"Poor, Lilz no wonder she was upset, she loved her parents," said Remus sadly.  
  
"& her sister was the only one to live, Petunia hates Lily," said Sirius.  
  
~*~*~*  
  
A/N well that's it for this chap. Tell me what you think, but don't even bother flaming me coz I don't take it very well – anyway if you don't like it don't read it. Sorry it's been a while but I've totally lost focus over the last few days, also I'm going back to school on Monday so updates might not be as regular as they have been but please bear with me. & thanx to everyone who has reviewed so far keep going. L8r Skichik 


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